Two years

    Two years. Two years I spent at home with my son, living, learning and teaching right beside him as he did the same. Two years I spent day after day with this wonderful little boy discovering patience and gratitude for the little things in life. Two years I spent most of my time with my little sidekick looking forward to my husband coming home from work to join our fun. Two years I spent loving my time at home while also fighting loneliness. Finally to say, I spent two years as a stay at home mother and while I would never trade that time for anything in the world, it feels damn good to be back working and being outside of the house around other adults.

    Now, don't get me wrong, I miss being home with my munchkin and having all the fun that we did, but that is not to say that I am ready to go back to living that way. My husband and I decided that we would rather have me stay home and teach our child instead of spending all the money I would make if I went back to work on daycare. So my husband, the great man that he is, worked his ass off to make ends meet and make sure we had more than enough to be healthy and happy. Meanwhile I stayed home and did everything in my power to make sure Colin was healthy and happy and our home was taken care of. It wasn't always a clean house and the laundry wasn't always folded but every day Kenny came home from work we all had smiles on our faces and to me that is more important than a clean dish or a folded pair of pants. Colin blossomed in the time we spent together and as parents we couldn't be any more proud, he was just so happy, smart and fun and still is!

    Then the day came where I looked at my husband and told him I didn't know what/how else to teach Colin and that he was lacking a certain interaction with other children despite going to toddler gyms and playgrounds. We began looking into options but I am a tad neurotic and have a huge fear of sending my child off to daycare because there are just so many stories of crazy people. I couldn't seem to find a local daycare that had enough good reviews to knock my anxiety out of the way. So we made a major decision to send Colin to a Montessori school. Honestly it was the absolute best option for our child and our family and I am beyond happy that we did. We put him in for a full school day because their scheduled day fit into the same schedule that we already had in place for him at home. So Mr. Big Boy headed off for his first day of school and Mummy headed off for her first day of work.

    I went back to work in Sales and Marketing at a Real Estate company, I love it, I love the people and I enjoy learning more about the job everyday but it has been a huge transition. My routine has totally changed, I can no longer stay in sweatpants all day and I have to actually interact with adults again and while it has taken time to get used to, I'm actually pretty good with human connection! Being back to work has changed not only my energy and personality but also my parenting.

    For the first time since Colin was born, I have the opportunity to miss him and anticipate seeing him at the end of our days. I get to experience the excitement he has to see me when I pick him up from school and listen to him tell me all about his day. I no longer spend my day with him so I now look forward to going home and being crazy and goofy with him. I don't get as frustrated any more and while he taught me patience before, it seems that I have even more now. I don't get to see his little face as often so now when I am with him it is even more valuable and important than it was before. It's little things you don't notice until you break from your normal routine and begin a new one.

    Even as a wife, work has helped me calm down. I am not always the best at verbalizing my feelings and sometimes I have a short temper but since being at work I seem to not be as irritable. I was never angry or bitter with Kenny, Colin or my home- it was more the frustration of irrational loneliness that I wasn't able to convey to my loved ones. I felt like I wasn't doing all things that I needed to and I felt that I needed to readjust my focus but I didn't know how or where. I almost felt as if I was stuck. That feeling didn't start until I knew that I was running out of ideas to fill my days with Colin and I don't think I realized that I knew things needed to change. Well things did change and starting a new chapter has helped remove those feelings of frustration and have taken away the struggles I had before.

    I feel better now. I know that the two years I spent being home with my baby helped both him and I grow in many different ways but I am so happy that we decided to alter our life because there reaches a point where moving forward doesn't work unless you actually take a step to do so. Sometimes it takes huge changes to be fully content while appreciating all that was, is and will be.