The Pootastrophy of 2016

   Potty training is the part of parenting where we really find our zen and tolerance for sh*t. Literally. It is days of accidents, nakedness, pee covered floors and poop smears replacing household decorations. I have a boy so I don't know much of what it's like for you mothers with dainty young ladies so let me tell you about my experience with the mess of a boy that I call my own. It took a solid four days to officially say he was trained but boy those were a long four days!
   After watching our son casually stick  his hand in his diaper, pee on it and then start giggling we decided to give potty training a shot. We took his diaper off, explained to him the deal and brought him to go potty. Miraculously he went two times in a row and was so proud of himself that he couldn't contain his little bladder and peed all over the floor. That was the first of many accidents. He went the rest of the day without having an accident and it was great. My husband and I thought wow this is great, so easy- our kid rocks. HAH boy did we jinx ourselves! So the first day was fabulous, granted we started around 3 pm, but the day was done and it was time for bed. We had Colin go potty then put him in a diaper for the night and woke up in the morning. As soon as we were all awake, we took the diaper off and went potty. He made it until about 10 am before having to go and even though we asked and went to the bathroom he wouldn't actually use it. So 10 o'clock rolls around and I hear "Muummmmaaaa" and I walk in to Colin playing in a puddle of pee on the coffee table! The little pee monster not only sat and watched himself have an accident, he also decided to do it while sitting on my coffee table! This is where I give my husband total responsibility of the child and take no claims over him! So we rushed to the potty to make sure he was all done and then I had him help me clean up the mess. After that was said and done we decided to eat lunch and take a bath which he did great and even used the potty! When bath was done we put him in a diaper for nap time because we knew he still wasn't ready to sleep without one. We read a book, we snuggled and I walked out. That's when things took a turn for the worst....
   I went in after about TEN minutes to check on him, make sure he was asleep and as I neared his room the smell of parental frustrations hit me in the face with vengeance. I knew before even getting to the door that he had a poop waiting for me but I never expected what I saw when I opened his bedroom door. COVERED. Absolutely covered in poop from his ears to his toes. His belly had so much poop on him that it was clear he was finger painting with it. The walls had smears and the carpet had two brown hand prints where Colin attempted to get it off his hand. He had totally covered his legs, his sheets and his treasured stuffed animal. He was so proud to show me and all I could do was yell for my husband and laugh/cry about what an amazing artist my kid is..........
   My husband who is the sweetest man with the WEAKEST stomach comes running and instantly starts gagging, which just makes us both start laughing even more and Colin is just sitting there smiling and confused at the huge commotion. Kenny starts the shower while I undress Colin, we rushed to the tub and Kenny heads back to change the sheets and clean the room. He does this while holding his breathing and running out of the room every few seconds for air. I'm mid scrubbing poop out from under Colin's nails and all I can hear is gagging and coughing from the other room. It was then that I wondered who the softy is in my marriage. Once we are all done and cleaned up we let him sleep in our bed since his room stinks of poop and cleaning supplies. He lays down and passes out instantly, apparently his artistry pooped him out.. see what I did there?
   So all that happened on Saturday and it was officially dubbed as "The Pootastrophy of 2016" but we were pros by Sunday and we were ready to take on anything that came out of Colin. Except nothing happened and he just magically started using the potty to pee and poop and didn't have an accident again for days. It took a little longer to sleep without a diaper on and even though he sometimes wets the bed, he has been doing great! I guess it only took being covered in a stinky mess for him to want to use the potty!
   Needless to say, when the child is ready, they will use the potty, but may the force be with you when you are going through all that comes with Potty Training.